Why BDSM?

Why BDSM?

Someone asked me what attracted me to this life, and I thought it would be a good opportunity to turn it into a blog post, to give you a little background about me and my story.

In my first serious relationship as an adult (2003/4ish), I dated a man who is probably a cross between a Sadist and a Hedonist. Discomfort for your ultimate pleasure. His particular favorite? Choking. In the beginning, it was breath play. He would press against my windpipe (not a good idea, btw) at first, and then ease up and press his thumb and forefinger into my neck, cutting off my blood supply… all within seconds of my orgasm.

I loved it. And later asked several partners to choke me during sex, some of which were receptive, and others not so much. Which, hey – ya don’t know if ya don’t ask. But I did find that the men I dated were far more receptive to power exchange and kink than the women I dated… Not sure why that is… Anyway!

It kind of slipped by the wayside until I was living in another state from my family with little money and even less friends in the area. Essentially, I watched a LOT of porn, discovered tumblr and kinky twitter, and was a regular on craigslist. I started reading more, and pretty much knew immediately I was gonna be on the right side of any slash. I knew I was a bottom, and was curious about submission. I struggled, like a lot of independent type women probably do, with accepting that while I fully support equality in the world, I wanted a relationship and home life where I wanted to give up that control and equality (at first, just in the bedroom, then more 24/7 like). So I tried to figure out why I was attracted to that lifestyle… And now that I have Sir as my Dom/Daddy/Sadist, I can confirm that my original thoughts on why I love BDSM are even more accurate than I thought.

  • Structure – I am a creature of habit and routine. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy being spontaneous, but day to day, I require consistency. Tasks from Sir as well as my own, and Him holding me accountable for them, keeps me focused. Which leads me to…
  • Freedom From My Own Thoughts – I am the kind of person who will worry constantly if left to it. I think about how every action and word I speak will impact and affect someone around me. When I submit, I think only of His wishes, and in return He makes sure I am cared for and safe.
  • Happy Feels – The downside to being an empath is that if I have adversely affected someone, I will usually know it. But the upside is that when anyone, but especially Sir, is pleased, I feel it down to my toes and up to the ends of my hair. And by that same token, D/s is an exchange of power and as an empath I absorb that even more. It’s heady.
  • Work Through Trauma – This is probably controversial for many people. But having been sexually abused, and I suppose it would apply to mental and emotional abuse as well, BDSM is a way for me as a victim, to take back that power. This is not your standard BDSM play though – this is big time edge play, and it’s NOT for everyone, nor is it cathartic for everyone.

This is not an exhaustive list…. I’m sure I will come up with more for another post. Again, this post is not meant to be educational or even informative, but completely subjective and applies only to me. That being said, if anything I have said resonates with you, please like.

=^•^=

Muirnah

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