This morning, I knelt as usual for Sir to put His collar on me. When He finished, He pulled me by the ring for a kiss. I felt fidgety. I didn’t know what to do with my hands because they were too far from the floor, but I didn’t want to put them on my hips. Sir solved my problem before I realized He’d noticed. He pushed me gently to sit on my heels and angled my head in a bow. His hands gently turned mine over, palms up on my thighs.
My brain has never quieted itself so quickly. It’s almost impossible to describe. I have been practicing meditation for over 10 years, and never once reached the level of peace I felt today. What’s more is that I was completely in tune with my submission.
I had been feeling a bit scattered lately, because life happens, but couldn’t really get in touch with my submission. In those moments, with my head bowed and eyes closed, I felt simultaneously vulnerable and powerful. There is nothing like it in the world.
Or so I thought.
Later, Sir and I went to Home Depot. He purchased 6 feet of steel 2-0 twist link chain. It’s heavy. But it’s shiny. He also got fasteners to connect it to a leash clasp and a handle. I was excited, but didn’t really think much of it. Sir and I have played with a collar and leash. He found a super cute set in Petsmart one night; it was pink and black with skulls. It was perfect. But other than a case of the tingles when He would tug on it, I wasn’t really affected by it.
He assembled it in the car while we ate a late lunch. When He clipped it onto the ring of my collar, I was astonished by the weight of it. It was one of those moments where my body reacted entirely on its own. My clit was on fire, and I was so aroused I couldn’t focus. To intensify the experience, He left it visible while we drove to our last errand and home. I think I must have told Him I wanted Him 10 times.
He took off the lead when we got home. But the desire was already flowing. When we walked to the shed for some wind down time, He put the lead back on me. I found myself stopping just to see the slack come out of the lead, and feel the tug around my neck.
To say He was amused is probably an understatement. Once inside, He hung the chain from a hook in the ceiling. At first, the chain hung in front of me. I could see it, feel it, hold it, control it… I was a pinch (literally) away from subspace. I’d never considered the impact of being tethered by a chain to a collar on my neck to my psyche.
When He moved the chain and ring from my collar to the back of my neck, I may as well have been intoxicated. I felt catatonic and yet entirely at peace. I had surrendered my entire being to my Master. He snapped several photos, played with my body for a bit, all while I happily floated in subspace.
I think a lot of people struggle to find a balance between their kink life and the rest of life. I know I do sometimes. Zehguul and I have found it to be essential that we take time to reconnect as boyfriend and girlfriend in addition to reconnecting as Master and slave though admittedly we spend A LOT of time there (read: hedonists). But sometimes real life keeps us in boyfriend/girlfriend head space, and work and life keeps me way more alpha. The fact that we found a way for both of us to center ourselves and connect in our M/s world is just… heavenly.