Collars and Chains

Collars and Chains

This morning, I knelt as usual for Sir to put His collar on me. When He finished, He pulled me by the ring for a kiss. I felt fidgety. I didn’t know what to do with my hands because they were too far from the floor, but I didn’t want to put them on my hips. Sir solved my problem before I realized He’d noticed. He pushed me gently to sit on my heels and angled my head in a bow. His hands gently turned mine over, palms up on my thighs.

My brain has never quieted itself so quickly. It’s almost impossible to describe. I have been practicing meditation for over 10 years, and never once reached the level of peace I felt today. What’s more is that I was completely in tune with my submission.

I had been feeling a bit scattered lately, because life happens, but couldn’t really get in touch with my submission. In those moments, with my head bowed and eyes closed, I felt simultaneously vulnerable and powerful. There is nothing like it in the world.

Or so I thought.

Later, Sir and I went to Home Depot. He purchased 6 feet of steel 2-0 twist link chain. It’s heavy. But it’s shiny. He also got fasteners to connect it to a leash clasp and a handle. I was excited, but didn’t really think much of it. Sir and I have played with a collar and leash. He found a super cute set in Petsmart one night; it was pink and black with skulls. It was perfect. But other than a case of the tingles when He would tug on it, I wasn’t really affected by it.

He assembled it in the car while we ate a late lunch. When He clipped it onto the ring of my collar, I was astonished by the weight of it. It was one of those moments where my body reacted entirely on its own. My clit was on fire, and I was so aroused I couldn’t focus. To intensify the experience, He left it visible while we drove to our last errand and home. I think I must have told Him I wanted Him 10 times.

He took off the lead when we got home. But the desire was already flowing. When we walked to the shed for some wind down time, He put the lead back on me. I found myself stopping just to see the slack come out of the lead, and feel the tug around my neck.

To say He was amused is probably an understatement. Once inside, He hung the chain from a hook in the ceiling. At first, the chain hung in front of me. I could see it, feel it, hold it, control it… I was a pinch (literally) away from subspace. I’d never considered the impact of being tethered by a chain to a collar on my neck to my psyche.

When He moved the chain and ring from my collar to the back of my neck, I may as well have been intoxicated. I felt catatonic and yet entirely at peace. I had surrendered my entire being to my Master. He snapped several photos, played with my body for a bit, all while I happily floated in subspace.

I think a lot of people struggle to find a balance between their kink life and the rest of life. I know I do sometimes. Zehguul and I have found it to be essential that we take time to reconnect as boyfriend and girlfriend in addition to reconnecting as Master and slave though admittedly we spend A LOT of time there (read: hedonists). But sometimes real life keeps us in boyfriend/girlfriend head space, and work and life keeps me way more alpha. The fact that we found a way for both of us to center ourselves and connect in our M/s world is just… heavenly.

Dark Fantasies

Dark Fantasies

I’m gonna go ahead and preface this with trigger warnings.

Consensual Non-Consent. Anal.

You’ve been warned.

Additionally, I am safe and was safe during this entire event. Thanks for any concern you have, but do not @ me about safety.

Still with me? Okie dokie.

I was kneeling in our fucking chair. Facing the wall, my head occasionally bumping it as He fucked my pussy from behind. I wanted so bad to thrust back into Him, but I had no room to move. He had me pinned so tightly in that chair. When I begged to cum, He obliged. My pussy pushed His cock out, and He growled a warning and continued fucking me.

Suddenly there was a fist in my hair, and He was pulling my head up and back. I arched my back with His pull, but it wasn’t enough.

“Get down on your knees.”

I finally maneuvered myself out of the chair and onto the floor. He held His cock in front of my face. I opened my mouth. Instead of His cock, I felt three slaps to my left cheek.

“You didn’t say thank you, you slut.”

His voice penetrated to my core. My clit tightened as He wrapped one hand around my chin, and the other behind my head. He began fucking my face while my pussy dripped and I drooled helplessly. Sooner than I expected, He stopped.

“Get back up in the chair.”

He fucked my pussy again, rocking my body so hard that once again my head bumped the wall. I was begging to cum again almost immediately. When He let me do so, I clenched my pussy so tightly I pushed His cock out again.

I squealed a “Thank you, Sir!” as His growl returned. It was on the tip of my tongue to apologize for clenching so tightly, as if I had any control over how powerful my orgasms were. I felt His presence drift away, and then return like a tidal wave.

His primal energy flooded the room as He stepped up behind me gripping my hip with one hand, His cock with the other. He thrust into my ass in one deep motion.

There was no time to think about being quiet. Pain flowed through my body, and I screamed. I moaned as the tears flooded my eyes, my entire body tensing at His forced intrusion. I wrapped my feet around the back of His calves, silently begging Him not to move so I could adjust to His cock. As I cried harder, I felt Him twitch and thicken. He was harder than I’d ever felt Him in my ass.

I was aware of the fact that it would hurt less if I just relaxed. I was aware of the fact that I could say our safe word, and He would stop. But I didn’t relax and I didn’t safe word. I waited and let the tears come.

I felt His hesitation – Should He continue? Should He stop? Was this pushing too far into CNC? That lasted maybe a few seconds.

He began fucking my ass, not gently, but not forcefully. It didn’t matter though. I was ugly crying, letting the tears and snot run down my face as I cried into the back of the chair. My body remained tense, but allowed the intrusion. I tried to enjoy it. I tried to tell myself that I could enjoy it – that I like anal, and I wasn’t in danger. I continuously reminded myself that He loved me. That I had consented to this, and the fantasy had been mine to begin with.

Despite the state that my body was in, the darkness in my mind swirled. I felt my pussy getting wet every time I felt Him twitch. I could feel how turned on He was physically and mentally. Through the pain, I was pleased that He was getting off. I was pleased that He was taking what was His – what I’ve willingly surrendered to Him.

When he came, I felt every spurt of cum. I felt every twitch. I felt Him grind against me, His fingers gripping my hips tightly. I sobbed with relief this time and my body sagged beneath Him. He pulled out, found a towel, and helped me back to the bed. He held me close as I cried into His chest.

“Muirnah, are you okay?”

He used my name. He used His safe word. His voice was pained. I knew I had scared Him. I knew He had scared Himself.

“Yes.” I answered, my voice sounding surprisingly more calm than I felt.

When I was finished crying, I have no idea how much time passed, I knew what to say to help Him see that what He did was okay and that I was okay with it.

“I love you.” I said.

Then it was His turn to be held.



She knew this wasn’t a serious punishment. But it still felt like one.

“In the chair,” He said, indicating the usual spot for such things. He stepped outside and closed the door.

After pulling her leggings down to her knees, she knelt on the cushion, facing the back of the chair. She breathed and waited. When the door opened, she arched her back just a little more.

“Good girl,” He cooed. She wiggled her hips and beamed with pride.

He caressed her ass, softly but with purpose. “I’m going to make this fun for me. I think you’ve been bratty enough to warrant it.”

Fun for Him meant sadistic play. She inhaled sharply. “Yes, Sir.”

He turned the music up, and began to slap her ass. His fingers pressed in with each thwack. It didn’t take long for her to begin to scream and cry out. He paused, and changed the position of His hand. Now it was a full hand smack. She screamed.

He growled as He shoved His hand through her wet lips, just brushing her clit. Her hips pressed back into the not-so-gentle touch, and He pulled back. The smacks on her ass continued. Her screams escalated. He could sense the need for a change, and again shoved His hand toward her clit again, this time giving her a more direct stroke. Her cries turned to mewls of desire.

He returned to smacking her ass, and then threw a punch. Compared to the sensation of a stinging slap, the blunt force was heaven. It was almost like a reset button. Another punch landed on the other cheek before the slaps returned. The pain was excruciating for half a second before dropping to a pleasurable point. He knew how to take her to the edge and keep her there.

As she was reaching her limit, she felt His cock rubbing her pussy. She must have drifted off again because she hadn’t been aware of Him pulling down His pants. Immediately her hips met His rhythm. Pleasure consumed her and tingles spread from her spine down her arms and to the calloused tips of her nipples.

He pulled out, and the smacks on her ass continued. She gasped at the loss of fullness. When she felt Him move behind her again, her pussy gushed in anticipation. When He positioned his cock at her ass, she stiffened and moaned but did her best to relax. Each thrust of His hips felt like a sharp stab followed by a soothing stroke. Within seconds, her pussy was throbbing and an orgasm barrelling toward her like a speeding car.

“Daddy, please!” she screamed.

“No!” He pulled out of her ass and stepped back.

Sensation flooded her as the pending orgasm dissipated. “God dammit!” she huffed.

His hand grabbed a fistful of her hair. “What was that?” There was an edge to His voice that put her in fight-or-flight mode. She took a deep breath, grounding herself in the tugging sensation at the nape of her neck.

“Sorry, Sir,” she breathed.

“Good girl.” He slapped her face softly.

Without warning, His cock was pushing into her ass and the orgasm began to build again. She knew He wasn’t going to let her cum so she focused her mind on the rhythm of His strokes and let the sensations flow through her entire body. Really, she realized, He was doing her a favor when He denied her orgasm. But soon enough she was screaming for release. Again and again He denied her. It was only a matter of time before her body would take over.

He thrust in deep and held himself there and she felt His cock spasm with the first wave of His orgasm. That did it. She shuddered and moaned, cumming with Him. His hands smoothed over her ass and hips, skimming up her back as they both caught their breath.

“I’m sorry, Sir,” she said weakly. “I couldn’t help it.”

He chuckled and kissed her shoulder. “My good girl.”

*true story.



A Peek into my Poly Life

A Peek into my Poly Life

The night that I met Him, we went from a munch back to His place to hang out. He introduced me to L. To say I was nervous would be an understatement – especially given the intensity of my growing feelings for Him.

Would she like me? What if she didn’t? Would we have anything in common?

Two days later I was there again, and I experienced the most intense subdrop up to that point. I also realized I was falling in love with Him. All of those emotions overtook me. I cried. Ugly cried.

Sir was incredible. But eventually He asked me if I wanted to talk to L. I was so scared! I have had very limited exposure to poly life. And it was mostly all theoretical… I had no idea what to expect. But she calmed me down. It was a wonderful moment. One I cherish.

*fastforward to the present*

I live here now. I have been working on moving my stuff in, little by little over the last month. 3 of my 5 cats are here. The other 2 and my bearded dragon are coming this week probably.

L has been rearranging things, and making space for my desk so that I have an actual place to work. (Let’s face it, someone with depression doesn’t need the temptation of working on a laptop in the bedroom. It’s been bad.) I am incredibly grateful for that.

This afternoon, Sir and I brought back my washer from the apartment because the other one wasn’t working. Then we spent some time hanging out, laughing and just enjoying conversation and each other’s company. Then we talked about where we were putting my desk and my beardie.

Sometimes I can’t believe my life. I’m fortunate to have a wonderful boyfriend in Sir. But I’m even more fortunate to have L in my life as my friend. When Sir does something ridiculous, L and I just look at each other like, “ohhhh man”. Do y’all know how fun that is, to share a moment of connection over a mutual love? It’s awesome. I didn’t think I would ever have a life this full.



Rituals and Sanity

Rituals and Sanity

I’m here! I’m still writing, but I have been so busy I haven’t had time to make it a pretty post. In short: holiday prep, ex wife moving out, work, car accident, and more work…

With all that craziness in mind, I want to share something that’s kept me sane. Rituals in our D/s dynamic.

I am to walk in heel at all times if we are walking together. That is, a step to the side and behind. I forget this more than I care to admit, and have earned bruises once or twice for it.

This is something that’s difficult for me because I’m used to leading short people through crowds, or just walking ahead in general. But it reminds me of my place with Him, when I defer to Him physically too.

Shower Time. When Sir takes His shower, I sit on the bench in the bathroom. I feel close to Him just being in the same room. When He’s done with His washing, He calls “here kitty kitty.” Then I wash and rub His back.

This is something I thought would annoy me after a while. Honestly, I wasn’t sure how I would fare in the realm of servitude. The concept has always intrigued me. But I knew it would depend on the person. But here I am, 4 months in… a few minor details away from our future Master/slave contract, me moving in this month, and I still love washing his back.

I also dry Him off and put moisturizer on His tattoos (in a specific order). Those two things are more special than the back washing. Drying Him off lets me touch every part of Him, every day. When’s the last time you touched every inch of your partner? The tattoos are the same. We both appreciate some good ink, so skin care is important. But I can’t quite describe the intimacy of it. It’s breathtaking.

And during these rituals, He’s paying complete attention to me too. He watches me, He touches me, and He talks to me. Sometimes it’s every day talk. Sometimes it’s deep. Sometimes it’s romantic. But it’s always appreciative of the moment we’re sharing. And if we get off topic in a bad way, someone notices & brings it back to the moment.

And the super cool thing? On the occasion I shower after Him, (rare because I usually shower in the morning) He washes my back, dries me off, and puts moisturizer on my tattoos. It’s so intimate, it’s so tender, and it’s incredibly sweet. Breathtaking.

Routine and rituals are comforting and they bring people closer together. I cherish those moments because I know no matter what happened that day (and there’s been plenty going on!) my Sir will be there, and except in extreme situations, our rituals will always be there. They’re a part of our every day and we make them a high priority. It’s a daily connection, and it’s priceless.

Be well.



Minidresses, Spanking, and Rope Torture: a Very ZehNah Evening

Minidresses, Spanking, and Rope Torture: a Very ZehNah Evening

We arrived at the venue, got the last close parking spot (woohoo!) and began our evening. I had on a black minidress with lace panels. I felt sexy and I needed attention. but I wasn’t in my dress long.

Pretty much immediately, Sir put me on a spanking bench and paddled my ass until I was a squirmy mess. Attitude and headspace adjusted, we took a short break & went to the smoking area outside.

It was probably in the high 30s (so brrr) & Sir made me sit on the cold metal chair in only my faux satin robe. Someone I’ve followed on FetLife and Twitter came outside. I was a mess of girl crush. Like, this person is awesome to follow and I wanna know them IRL. (Hi Malachi!)

After some chatting with other attendees, we went back inside to do some rope. We found a space in the back and I spread the blanket out. He pulled out His favorite rope and instructed me to come to Him. I did, kneeling in front of Him and preparing myself for the usual amount of passion and intensity. Well I thought I had prepared.

He began with the chest harness. Each tug of the rope dropped me into my own personal haven. Sir’s hands and rope were all I focused on. I felt Him secure the last tie, and I opened my eyes. The beauty of His brown eyes always seems to catch me off guard in these moments – because they’re so dark brown they’re almost black. But on His face they’re the most beautiful dark brown I’ve ever seen.

He began a single column on my right wrist and I wasn’t surprised when he began to tie my arm in a futomomo. Admittedly, my range of motion in my arms is greater in my upper body, so the futo on my arms isn’t exactly painful, unless you wanna talk about the scratchy rope Sir likes. But even that fades after a few minutes and I’m just secure in my ties with Him nearby.

“Lay down on your stomach.”

I was much spacier at this point, so I moved slowly. I mean, short of just flopping over I really couldn’t do much with one arm tied up. Then He began a single column tie on my left ankle. I expected this since we had floor space to work with.

Expected or not, my legs are not as flexible as they used to be. And they’re curvy thighs, ok? It was exhilarating as He bent my knee, and pressed my foot into my butt. Then the discomfort set in, and quickly.

I was balanced on my stomach, my right arm tied above my shoulder… my breasts were sore from the chest harness and being pressed into the floor. It felt like fiery pins and needles for a few minutes. When He finished the tie on my leg, I’d been squirming and moaning for several minutes.

He stepped back to admire His work & I was vaguely aware of Him getting more rope. The next thing I knew, He had looped the rope through the tie on my arm and my opposite leg. My body strained as He pulled me about 3 inches off the ground from my right arm, chest, and left leg.

My body screamed and so did I. My fingers tingled (normal!) and my non-tied limbs tried to compensate for the loss of balance but it was no use. I couldn’t get balanced comfortably. Every shift to the right to relieve the pressure on my arm caused excruciating strain on my leg, and vice versa.

I sobbed and cried out. I didn’t care that there were people watching. When He crawled behind me and began caressing my ass and pussy over my thong, I was desperate for release – for a reprieve from the pain. He didn’t disappoint- and I screamed when I came.*

Some time later I glanced through my hair to see Him laying next to me watching me struggle. He was smiling a satisfied sadistic smile. As a masochist, His masochist, His submissive, HIS… I was on top of the world.

Here’s the thing about D/s relationships… as a submissive, my dedication and service only does so much to fulfill me. What really makes the difference is that He appreciates and values my submission and service. And it makes Him visibly happy. So it is with our S&m play… if he’s not enjoying hurting me, I’m not going to enjoy it either.

And I’m not talking about punishment. That’s not pleasant for either of us. But we both have to be in the right headspace. Generally speaking, it doesn’t take much for either of us to get there though.

He began to untie me… and held me while I came back down to earth. It took a while. And the scene took a lot out of both of us. We spent more time in the aftercare room than we have before.

We agreed to do a bit of fire play, after watching a couple scenes. But it didn’t last long. We were both exhausted. In most cases, our play is more mental than physical in terms of strain. (Not including impact obviously). And normally, He’s full of high energy after a night out. (Not abnormal for me to be zoned out on the ride home though. I am sometimes energetic and other times exhausted.) But this time, we both pushed ourselves more physically than we realized.

Just another night of excessive fun with Zehguul & Muirnah…



*I actually have no idea if He made me orgasm before or after He pulled my body up… This is the problem with subspace!

** Sir has advised me that my orgasm was before He pulled up on the ropes.

Muirnah Writes Erotica: The Swim

Muirnah Writes Erotica: The Swim

She was already floating on her back, soaking up the sunshine of the hot August day. Her light purple bathing suit was slightly darker in the water. As I walked through the grass, I tried to control my excitement at the view of her slender body in the water. Her short blonde hair was scattered over her forehead, her arms moving in the water as if she were flying. The halter top of her bathing suit was loosely tied around her neck, and I could see the water easily flowing between the triangle material and her round breasts. Her stomach rose and fell with every breath she took, and her smooth legs slowly scissored to keep her afloat. She didn’t open her eyes when I opened the gate, but she smiled, acknowledging my presence.

I dove into the crisp water of my pool and swam towards her. I slid my arms under her legs and her back, and pulled her closer to my body. “Baby, you look beautiful,” I whispered.

She opened her eyes slowly, squinting in the sunlight. She smiled at me shaking her head, and lifted her head to kiss me. I lowered my lips to hers, taking in the smell of the chlorine and her sun tan lotion. I felt my stomach flip and warmth grow between my legs as her tongue slipped effortlessly between my lips. I tasted her mouth, sweet from the wine propped up in the cooler nearby.

I opened my eyes as the kiss ended, and stared into her eyes sparkling in the sun, with residual mascara intensifying the stare she gave me. “I’m so glad you’re home,” she said as she rolled away from me.

“Me too,” I said with a breath as I pushed off to swim to the far end of the pool. “Work was so busy I thought my feet were going to fall off.”

She looked over at me with a sympathetic smile and said, “Well, vacation starts now, so relax yourself.” I grinned as I remembered that I didn’t have to be at work for another 10 days.

I slipped under the water and began swimming a few laps to stretch my muscles that had been over worked that day. She lifted herself into a raft and closed her eyes. I glanced at her body when I passed, noticing the breeze had hardened her nipples despite the warmth of the air. The warmth between my legs was intensifying, and even though my body was wet in the pool, I could feel this distinct wetness flowing with ease.

I could talk to her about anything. I could talk to her about nothing. I could stare at her for hours, not say a word, and still communicate. And yet, in the most casual of situations, her breath against my ear during a movie, her hair brushing my neck during a nap, the slightest peak at a nipple in the pool… these things created a flood of passion and a throbbing between my legs that I couldn’t control.

She looked so peaceful with her eyes closed. She was smiling slightly. I wondered what she might have been day dreaming about as I made my way to the side of the pool. I propped my arms on the warm tiles and rested my head on my arms. My body floated effortlessly in the water, and I let my mind clear in the happiness of being with her for the next 10 days with no work or responsibility. I closed my eyes and let the sounds of the birds drift in as I dozed off.

I woke up to her hands rising slowly up my back, untying the back of my rainbowed animal print swimsuit. She worked her way up to the tie around my neck and I felt her mouth on my shoulders as her hands released the material from my breasts. Her hands slid down my sides and up over my arms. The chill of the water over my warm skin sent a chill over me and I felt my nipples harden. Her breasts pressed into my back, and I felt that her nipples were hard as well. I tilted my head, silently begging her mouth to the curve just above my shoulder. She obliged, and I felt her teeth graze my skin in a gentle bite.

I took a sharp breath in as her lips made their way up my neck, behind my ear, and pausing to suck softly on my ear lobe. I let my body relax against her as she tightened her left arm around my chest. My nipples were on high alert as her skin slid over them. Her right arm caressed my stomach and hips as she kissed & sucked softly on my shoulders and neck. She pressed her body harder to mine. I could feel her heart beat increasing with mine. Her hand slid over the front of my thighs and my clit throbbed as she moved closer to it.

She successfully touched every inch of my body before I felt her hand slide into the skort that was the bottom piece of my bathing suit. I felt her finger between the lips of my pussy, and I heard her sigh with satisfaction at how wet she made me. “I want you.” She whispered against my ear and I felt another chill. Her fingers circled my clit but did not touch it. My body ached for her to touch my clit, to feel the pressure of her fingers bringing me to an incredible orgasm. She took her time though. Her fingers occasionally touched the metal barbell that was pierced through my clitoral hood. When I felt the metal press into my clit I thought I would orgasm right then and there.

“I want to taste you. I want to see your beautiful face while I lick your clit.” Her words were like fire.

I spun around and pressed my lips to hers with a force of passion. She responded likewise, and her tongue swirled around mine. She pushed my skort over my hips in one swift motion, pressing her thigh in between my legs. My hands roamed her back untying the strings around her neck, and unclasping the hook around her back. I pushed the bathing suit away, and took both of her breasts into my hands, massaging them softly, and flicking both her nipples. She leaned her head back with a soft sigh.

I took advantage of her distraction and began kissing her shoulders, up to her ears, finally returning to her lips. Her hands made their way through my tangled hair and I couldn’t suppress the moan of pleasure that made its way up my throat. She smiled at me and pulled me towards the steps of the pool. We embraced again, our breasts touching, gently massaging one another as we moved together.

She gently guided me to the steps and sat me on the top step. My legs and hips still covered by the water, she crawled up the steps between them to kiss my lips. Her mouth trailed slowly, and I felt her tongue against the skin of my neck, chest, and then around my nipple. Her hand squeezed as her tongue flickered and circled my right nipple, and then my left. Her mouth massaged my skin as she kissed slower, lingering longer in each place, moving down my stomach to my belly button. She looked up at me with fire in her eyes as she pushed my knees further apart. I pulled myself out of the water, and she moved up another step.

Her hands explored my thighs, spreading my pink lips to her liking. I let out a sigh as I relaxed back onto my elbows at the same time her tongue flicked my clit. My hips pushed against her and I gasped. She slowly licked up one side of my wet pussy, and down the other. I could feel her breath, hot and heavy, and I wanted her mouth on my clit more than anything.

She took her time making her way back to my clit, and began to lick soft circles around the throbbing pulse of my body. My breathing was shallow and fast, and her tongue moved in rhythm with every breath I took. My moans became louder and uncontrollable as she pushed a finger inside me. I moved in motion with her hand as her finger gently massaged inside me. Her tongue still circled my clit firmly, occasionally flickering in a different direction.

I lay back all the way, pushing my hips closer to her mouth. My fingers made their way through her short hair, urging her closer to me. I was moaning louder now; short breathy gasps of pleasure told her I was close to the peak of passion she was pushing me towards. My pelvic muscles clenched at her finger as waves of pleasure erupted throughout my body. Fluid released into her hand and I squealed in pleasure. Her tongue flicked my clit with increased intensity, and another orgasm pulsed through my body.

She slowly moved her hands up my body, massaging my skin on the way. I shook uncontrollably as the nerves in my body fired again and again. As my body grew still, she leaned down over me. Our hands intertwined, and she softly kissed my lips.

I smiled up at her, unable to speak, but telling her with my eyes that I was amazed. She pulled me to a sitting position, gently rubbing my back where I’d been on the concrete. I kissed her cheek, and sighed softly in her ear, resting my head on her shoulder.

“Satisfied?” She asked me, still caressing my skin.

“Not until you are,” I said, sliding my hand between her legs. She flinched and gasped. I pulled her closer, hugging her with every ounce of energy I could muster. “Come shower with me,” I said softly.

She grinned at me, and stood up, pulling me with her. We walked hand in hand through the grass, me completely naked, and her just in her bathing suit bottoms, leaving the remnants of our passionate swim in the pool for later retrieval.